"Hugs are difficult, however. [They] are a gesture from one person to another of [caring] , and the idea of being cared for [was] not something I could understand. Contact with another person reminds you that you are also a person, and implies that someone cares about you as such. This felt to me, profoundly false, and I felt that I did not, in any way, warrant such care, such contact. Contact with another body reminds you that you have a body, a fact you are trying very hard to forget."

Anyone else, who has read this, bawl when Duane hugs her? It's so true.

Before I lose my mind and forget....

( FOOD CUT ) Total = 285 + breakfast (110) = 395 Pretty decent I think. Kind of a lot but not too many calories. Maybe half a banana later. Maybe. :/

Rode four or five miles on the bike today.

Trying to take an effing shower but there's so much cleaning to do. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Horror movie marathon soon. YAY!

UPDATE:

10:00pm - just ate 35 more calories. Total: 430

I've been asked this recently, what kind of music I'm into. Well here it is...

Bear Hands, J Bigga, Uffie, 3oh!3, The Bronx, Neon Neon, U-N-I, Four Letter Lie, Envy On The Coast, Family Force 5, The Blackout, Turbonegro, Gallows, Asteria, Dizzee Rascal, Ted Leo & the Pharmacists, Amplexus, Bonde Do Role, Chromeo, Chiodos, Another Day Late, Mayday Parade, Saosin, Blessthefall, Forgive Durden, The Shins, The National, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Of Montreal, A Thorn For Every Heart, Fall of Troy, Katy Perry, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Against Me, Cool Kids

Anybody "scene" enough to know any of these bands? Lol! Just kidding. I get called scene a LOT because of what I listen to. And maybe I am? I don't care. I'm more punk but... chyuuuuhhhh whatever.

STRAYS DON'T SLEEP "FOR BLUE SKIES"

It’s been a long year since we last spoke. How’s your halo?
Just between you and I, you and me and the satellites
I never believed you, I only wanted to.
Before all of this what did I miss?
Do you ever get homesick?
I can’t get used to it.
I’ll never get used to it.

I’m under that night, I’m under those same stars.
We’re in a red car, you asleep at my side
Going in and out of the headlights, could I have saved you?
Would that’ve betrayed you?
I wanna burn this film, you alone with those pills
What you couldn’t do I will, I forgive you
I’ll forgive you
I’ll forgive you
I forgive you

For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
I’ll forgive you

She's gorgeous!!!

Mom just asked if I want chicken nuggets. For breakfast (at all, really)? Is she serious? YUCK!

I'm listening to "Pepper" by the Butthole Surfers. It never gets old. Granted it's about heroine and death, but... don't care.

Marky got with Sharon & Sharon got Cherese
She was sharing Sharon's outlook on the topic of disease
Mikey had a facial scar & Bobby was a racist
They were all in love with dyin, they were doing it in Texas
Tommy played piano like a kid out in the rain
Then he lost his leg in Dallas, he was dancing with a train
They were all in love with dyin, they were drinking from a fountain
That was pouring like an avalanche coming down the mountain

I don't mind the sun sometimes, the images it shows
I can taste you on my lips & smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and sugary and softly spoken lies
You never know just how to look through other people's eyes

Some will die in hot pursuit in fiery auto crashes
Some will die in hot pursuit while sifting through my ashes
Some will fall in love with life & drink it from a fountain
That is pouring like an avalanche coming down the mountain

I don't mind the sun sometimes the images it shows
I can taste you on my lips & smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and sugary and softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look through other people's eyes

Another Mikey took a knife while arguing in traffic
Flipper died a natural death, he caught a nasty virus
Then there was the ever-present football player rapist
They were all in love with dyin, they were doing it in Texas

Pauly caught a bullet but it only hit his leg
Well it should have been a better shot, he got him in the head
They were all in love with dyin, they were drinking from a fountain
That was pouring like an avalanche coming down the mountain

Swimsuit Season is so close and I'm sure I need to lose another ten to fifteen pounds to be "ready". How did it sneak up on me so fast? AH!

It's day 3 of 51-50 and still going strong. I've had nearly 500 calories. I feel really full. :/ Good I guess.

The only thing I'm craving is Diet Coke, which I'm still paranoid to drink by the way.

Ugh! Maybe once I reach my goal weight I'll start drinking it but keep my meal plan (51-50). Or I don't know what I'll do.

I need some serious thinspo. Lol! Hope you all are doing great. I am. :D

where will you run when your kingdom falls?
will you think of the world?
where will you hide when your saviour laughs in your face-
at the joke you've made of his name?

here in this world how would you know
what the angels look like?
here are my wings, flightless and tired of the burden

when things fall by the wayside
i have my faith in reason

what a man tells a man becomes institution
in your book of dead words
and it never ever fails how the idiots prevail
or at least outnumber us

here in this world how would you know
what the angels look like?
here are my wings, flightless and tired of the burden

when things fall by the wayside
you have no reason for faith

wise men still seek him now
but i'm skeptic of the holy epileptics
and the seers of visions
and the mocking of a fabulous fairy tale

here in this world how would you know
what the angels look like?
here are my wings, flightless and tired of the burden

when things fall by the wayside
i have my faith
you have fallen by the wayside

I binged really bad yesterday. We had spaghetti and I ate A LOT. Today will be better.